Rocket Spanish forum

Well, a bit of a brief update and I think this is a good conversation that I have come back to see comments posted slowly over the months.

I am very much involved with this man now, despite thinking that it can't possibly work (I am around 14-15 years older, in the middle of a seperation and now divorce, the language and cultural differences, etc.). I have learned a lot more Spanish, yet have so much more to learn before I am fluent, and it has been frustrating at times with the language barrier.

His not knowing much English puts more pressure on me to communicate well, which can be good at times (motivation) and bad at other times when I need to know if I am saying what I mean, or understanding what he is saying. I often automatically repeat what I think is being said in English wanting an affirmation or negation, and he tends to take it as a sign I understand. Lots of little, or at times, big miscommunications. Sometimes funny things as when on the phone I said I was pulling off the "culos" instead of "culas" of shrimp. (If there is an automatic censor, pulling off 'bad word refering to the backend' instead of saying 'tails' of the shrimp.)

Now, I feel like I need to ask another cultural question. Are latin men more inclined to be jealous and possessive? Disallowing male amigos, wanting to know where you are and what you are doing all the time.

thanks

Hi Everyone,

Okay you all are going to think I'm definitely weird, but here goes. I was married to an American for 19 years and he walked out on me and broke my heart. However, we had already bought tickets to Cancun and went as friends. I found out there that I LOVE HISPANIC men. In fact, I'm in LUST with Hispanic men. When I hear a Hispanic man speaking Spanish, I literally MELT. I had a LOT of fun in Mexico dating 4 different Mexican men when I was there (by the way, Hispanic men from Latin countries tend to like larger sized women. Not ALL of them do, but a majority do. It was cool walking through Cancun being treated like a 5' 9" skinny blonde would be in the US and I'm NOT exaggerating). One was bilingual, the rest were Spanish only and don't ask how we communicated because I still don't know but it had something to do with a whole lot of Tequilla : ) Now, one of the guys, I REALLY liked was named Miguel. He after one date was saying "te quiero." He also asked me to marry him. He sang me love songs in Spanish at a Mexican karoake bar. We danced the night away. I thought it strange, and told him I'd think about it. He was studying to be doctor and lived in Tabasco. I thought it was a line to, well, you know. At any rate, I came back to the US and promptly went on Yahoo personals to find a Hispanic man. I lived in the Midwest at the time and none were available there. I searched profiles in Texas and Miami. Anyway, I met Jose and he became my husband w/i a year. No regrets! As for Miguel, he stayed in contact w/ me calling and writing for about 2 years after my Cancun trip. Side note: Mexican men kiss differently. The four I dated in Cancun all did this lip sucky thing on the bottom lip.. kind of light and fluttery.. can't really explain it in writing... very hot!


Now, my husband is Cuban and was raised in the US since he was 4 years old. However, his family is 100% Cuban and Cuban culture all the way. So, I'd say that I have an Americanized Cuban. Here's what I can tell you about Cubans (and I know some of this is generalized but I've met a lot of his family and tons of Cubans since being in Miami, where I now live):

-Strong family ties
-STUBBORN headed, the males are dominant
-Tend toward a tad of jealousy for their women : )
-Talk VERY loud. It sounds like they are fighting at family gatherings but it's not fighting.
-Tend for conservativeness in beliefs (not necessarily in practice).
-Love Cuban food (chicken, beans, and rice.. Cuban coffee)
-Like Cuban music
-Cook more on top of the stove than in the oven (many Cuban women are this way for some reason).
-Tend toward Catholicism
-In Miami, it's VERY anti-Castro sentiment.

I'm going to be blunt here and then I'll duck the flying tomatoes. This is the truth the way I see it and MANY Cuban women see it- there is a cultural thing in the Hispanic community called Machismo. NOT ALL Hispanic men but a LOT do tend toward promiscuity even when in relationships although the tend to NOT leave the family. My Cuban (he doesn't mind me calling him that affectionately as I'm his American) is true blue in this area. He would never ever ever cheat but he was raised by Cuban women w/o much male influence. His brother is traditional Cuban, lol. Now, someone is going to come on here and say I'm generalizing and this isn't true, blase blase skip. It IS true. Live in Miami, talk to many Hispanic men, and most will ADMIT it openly. It is cultural.
I'm hit on ALL the time by Hispanic men who are married and I prominently wear my wedding ring.

Now, back to my preoccupation w/ Hispanic men, lol. I can honestly say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Hispanic culture and people. I like the way families stick together and are family oriented much more so than in the US, in my opinion. I LOVE the passion of Hispanic men or now since being married, man. I'm telling you, once you go Hispanic, you won't go back, lol. (Okay, I'm probably insulting all of Mauricio's American male students here. Sorry guys, this is just my opinion.) I don't know if it's those big brown eyes, dark hair, tan complexion, Spanish accent, the stumbling over English words or what, but there is NOTHING that compares to a Hispanic man in my personal opinion and experience.

Remember, these are only my thoughts. I told you in the beginning that I'm probably weird, but I've never met a Hispanic male, young or old, short or tall, skinny or fat, that I didn't feel was hot. : )

My husband's first language is Spanish and that is why I'm trying to learn it. He thinks in Spanish and I want to converse w/ him in his native language. Plus, I want to know what he's saying when he's mad at me... I don't quite believe he's always telling how beautiful I am in those moments, lol.

Oh, another thing, in the Latin community here in Miami, which is equivalent to Havana Cuba, there is a LOT of drinking among Hispanic males. Corona beer particularly : ) My husband doesn't drink at all. He's unusual. In Mexico, I talked to the people about their culture and was told that alcohol is practically a staple in most households.

Some more truths about Mexico and Mexican men specifically:

-Very economically poor country. The people are very proud. They want to WORK for their money. They don't want hand outs.

-VERY likely for many Mexican unmarried males to share one apartment.

-Wages are INCREDBLY low. I was shocked at what they make.

-Government is quite corrupt there. The police are part of the govt and corrupt in many cases. If they catch an American say smoking Weed, it's likely they will simply arrest them, take ALL their money, and then let them go but tell them they can't leave the hotel.

-There are banditos if driving to Mexico from Texas. One must be careful. Border towns can be FUN but also very dangerous.

-Heavy drug trade and crime related to such. This is not to say that most Mexicans are party to this, and in fact, most are not. Nonetheless, it does exist to a high degree.

-Mexican women tend toward submissiveness (moreso than Cuban women). Also, there is much domestic violence in the Hispanic community. People don't tend to get involved in other people's business. They are not used to our American laws and when they come to the US it's not unlikely that these behaviors follow them.

-There is a HUGELY high incidence of cervical cancer due to HPV virus in Mexican women (not sure about other Hispanic cultures) in Mexico. There are GYN wards in many hospitals w/ women dying. HPV is the human papilloma virus and can cause cervical cancer. It is spread by ***************** contact. I have a Hispanic friend who studied to be a doctor in Mexico, and she did an internship at several hospitals there and was shocked at the high incidence of women dying from HPV related cervical cancer.

-The poverty is beyond imaginable in many parts of Mexico. Very sad. These are hard working people/families doing back breaking work for the lowest of low wages in the worst conditions. Very heart breaking. For a long time, I wante to move near Nogales Mexico and help the poor people there.

As for me and my hubby, if Cuba ever beomes free, we'd like to head back there and assist in rebuilding the country. I know a lot about Cuba if anyone is interested. In short:

-Their is SEVERE economic crisis in Cuba.
-The Castro regime rations food. They get food vouchers each month, which is ever enough, but even the stores do not have enough food. The Cuban people NEED family and friends to come to the US and then to send them back dollars to help w/ food. The government gets a % of whatever you send to a family member there.
-Healthcare is free
-They have black out periods where at certain times of the day, no electricity.
-They work for little compensation.
-College is free.
-Cubans cannot criticize the government w/o risking SEVERE repercussions. This is why you seldom see on TV Cubans in Cuba talking adversely about their situation. Now, Cubans in the US, like Miami, will and do speak out. This is how we know the truth of what is going on over there.
-Many risk their lives and the lives of their children to come to the US illegally. Personally, I SUPPORT them 100%. If I had to live like that, I'd risk it too and wouldn't wait for the legality of paperwork and the government to mess w/ me for wanting to leave.
-There is little crime in Cuba because punishment is swift and severe. The streets are pretty safe at night there.
-The BEST place to work in Cuba is for the hotels because they can get tips from Americans and other tourists. A dollar in Cuba goes WAY further than here in the US.
-They don't have access to regular meat. Chickens are even scarse. They eat a lot of carbohydraetes like black beans and rice, Cuban coffee, things made w/ flour.

Didn't mean to write a book here. These are just my thoughts and opinions.

mdietrich wrote:Well, a bit of a brief update and I think this is a good conversation that I have come back to see comments posted slowly over the months.

I am very much involved with this man now, despite thinking that it can't possibly work (I am around 14-15 years older, in the middle of a seperation and now divorce, the language and cultural differences, etc.). I have learned a lot more Spanish, yet have so much more to learn before I am fluent, and it has been frustrating at times with the language barrier.

His not knowing much English puts more pressure on me to communicate well, which can be good at times (motivation) and bad at other times when I need to know if I am saying what I mean, or understanding what he is saying. I often automatically repeat what I think is being said in English wanting an affirmation or negation, and he tends to take it as a sign I understand. Lots of little, or at times, big miscommunications. Sometimes funny things as when on the phone I said I was pulling off the "culos" instead of "culas" of shrimp. (If there is an automatic censor, pulling off 'bad word refering to the backend' instead of saying 'tails' of the shrimp.)

Now, I feel like I need to ask another cultural question. Are latin men more inclined to be jealous and possessive? Disallowing male amigos, wanting to know where you are and what you are doing all the time.

thanks

To answer your question w/ my personal OPINION- yes, they are. My husband is jealous and possessive but it's not too overboard for me. He doesn't "act" on his jealous or possessive feelings. I like him being this way. I feel special and loved. He does NOT like me to have male friends. It is okay w/ him if I converse w/ people say on the Language Express site BUT he wants to approve who I talk to. He said it was okay to talk to this over 50 year old married Hispanic man that contacted me, but if the thought the guy was flirting, he'd nix it.

As for your communication issue, when I was in Mexico, Miguel and I (see my other post on this thread about that) used a lot of hand gestures and there were usually people around to translate for us now and then. I love your "culos" mistake. I learned the dirty stuff first, which is an advantage of living w/ a Hispanic : )BTW, Miguel was 25 years old when we met. I was 35. Age is but a number. Don't let that bother you. Heck, if you've got a hot young Hispanic male interested in you, GIRL- GO FOR IT! : ) : ) : )

Andrea wrote:I am not young but I have traveled throughout Central America and in Cuba and many men have told this married woman "te quiero". I have taken the attitude that they are signalling that they are interested in me and it is worth a shot to see how I react. Frankly, it is a little like bird-song. The male bird sings to see what female bird will come closer.
I have been in too many situations (myself or helping friends) where Latin Machismo meets North American feminism. It can be as simple as misunderstandings or as serious as ******. Just recently in the news there have been stories about US women living in San Miguel Mexico reporting to police rapes and demanding action. Mexican females rarely report rapes since they are embedded in a culture where the shame is theirs and the police blame them for the ******.
Now love affairs are not close to this but keep your eyes open about what you want from the relationship and what your suitor might want. Latin men are serious and persistent in their courting. Have fun but keep your wits about you.

I agree w/ all you've said here as it definitely relates to my personal experiences w/ Hispanic males. Also, you are SO RIGHT about persistence! Want to make a Hispanic male want you like there is no tomorrow? Say NO on the first several dates. His head will be spinning! : )

I've been dating my partner for nearly 3 years and cross cultural barriers do exist, a lot can be resolved with good communication, although different values and expectations can make things difficult sometimes.

although I would say as others have already, it really depends on the people involved, their background , how they treat women/men and how comfortable they are with themselves (this can make a big difference)

My partner took a while to realise I didn't need protecting every 5 mins... he laughs now but I suppose he was just following the way he was brought up and what he thought a woman needed Yes feminism doesn't sit well with him at all he feels I'm too strong that way, well I'm an independent , clever Scottish woman with good self esteem, does that make me threatening?

I didn't get the idea of how close a family could be until I met him, It helped me realise, how I wasn't that close to my own family, so I am very grateful for that

My partner speaks fluent english and that makes it easier for me I have lots of tapes and books and have started the Rocket Spanish interactive, which I feel have really helped my spanish as I lack confidence in speaking.
it's nice to hear some Latin American Spanish as that is what I am used to
cheers
Ladyemero

Hello Everyone,

I thought I'd post my story as it may help someone here : ). My American husband of 19 years decide to divorce me : (. We went to Mexico as friends to celebrate our divorce as we'd already made the plans before the divorce thing happened. I realized on that trip that I LOVE Hispanic culture, I LOVED Hispanic men, I LOVED Hispanic food, and Latin men tend to like chunky women, of which, I am one of those : ). About the "te quiero" thing early in a relationship. I met Miguel, who was studying to be a doctor, while in Mexico. He was saying "te quiero" the first night we went out. Yeah, those Latin men.. what can I say..... before I left Mexico, he asked me to marry him. I seriously considered the proposal; However, he wanted me to move to Tabasco as he was not interested in coming to the US. I was in EXTREME infatuation and nearly decided to go for it, but my better judgment kicked in and I didn't marry Miguel. However, I've never forgotten him. Miguel spoke very little English, and I spoke no Spanish at the time but between the Tequila, and romantic effects, well, we were talking the same language by the end of my 2 week trip.

I came home from that trip in tears. I KNEW that I HAD to be near the Hispanic culture, learn the language, and I wanted my next relationship w/ a Hispanic man. So, I went onto Yahoo personals searching Texas and Miami. I lived in Illinois at the time. I found my Cuban (he does not mind me referring to him that way as I'm his American girl). I met Jose and we married 6 months later. It would have been sooner but I had to wait until the divorce was final.

That was nearly 8 years ago and it was an AMAZING decision. I did HATE Miami but loved Jose and his family and knew that he was my forever partner. Jose's remaining family were elderly and many have passed away but they all loved me and taught me how to cook Cuban food and they dealt w/ my lack of Spanish skills : ). After 8 years in Miami, where there is a strong Hispanic presence but also a TON of crime and high cost of living, I asked Jose since moving to Cuba wasn't an option if we could get closer to Mexico.

A year ago, we moved to New Mexico and I LOVE IT HERE!!!!! The Hispanic presence is wonderful, Food is amazing, and culture is rich. I'm SO HAPPY!!!! I want to foray into Mexico but Jose needs to get his citizenship first. He's a permanent resident and can get it at any time.

Problems in cross-cultural relationships-- some of this is just my experience but here goes---

-As passionate and amazing as Hispanic men are, they are also dominant and headstrong : ) At least every single one I've met is. Machismo! This is difficult for a dominant female such as myself. Jose and I lock horns all the time, but part of my joy in life is bickering w/ my wonderful husband! : )

-Family ties- The cultural value placed on family is much stronger w/ Hispanic families than American families. I've had to deal w/ some tough stuff w/ his brother and it took a LONG time for Jose to finally boot the guy out of our lives. They take a lot from one another. I was raised w/ much firmer boundaries even w/ family. However, I don't mind at all the trend toward generations living together and helping of the elderly in the family. I like that trait.

-As for Cubans in Miami- they tend toward conservatism and I'm a die hard liberal. Jose and I deal w/ it but don't talk politics much. : ) I've noticed here in New Mex it's very liberal based, heee hee heee .

-Religion- wasn't a problem for us. Jose's family was Catholic but not strict Catholic. My protestant views were okay w/ them.

Sometimes things will happen and Jose will say something like "Hon, that's not CUBAN!" So, I am continually learning about cultural differences. I do try to cook Cuban food, and have a lot of Cuban music around the house so that Jose can feel close to his Cuban culture still. Whereas being near Mexican culture gives him people to speak fluent Spanish w/ the cultures are different.

I've not worked on the Rocket Spanish course as much as I should have : ). However, every time I do a lesson, Jose comments on how much better I'm speaking.

I LOVE being married to a Hispanic man. I LOVE Hispanic cultures- all of them. I love the language, music, food.....

I've never been happier in my life. Oh, about that language barrier..... Jose can speak English fluently but doesn't write it very well. He assists me w/ my Spanish as its his first language. So, we did not have a language barrier. However, I would NEVER recommend foregoing a relationship that you feel incredibly pulled toward due to a language barrier. Spanish is not that difficult to learn and the language of the heart will get you through, plus some translators, a good dictionary, and you are set to go.

I recommend cross-cultural relationships because they are so interesting. The different views, how we were raised, different value systems, food, music, etc... it makes for a really wonderfully exciting experience. I've been with Jose going on 8 years now and I couldn't imagine my life without him.

Sincerely,

Esoterica